20 January 2014 // 9:35 PM
♣ 2 years
it's been almost 2 years since i even came to this space. it's amazing seeing how different i was back then, it's bittersweet to be honest. i felt a jolt of pain reading about the past, as it made me realized that i've really let myself down, there were so many things that were left unaccomplished, so many broken hopes and dreams. honestly, at that point of time, i feel like i was a much more positive person as compared to who i am now. the fact that i am turning 20 in exactly 10 days, scares me even more because as the years passed by, it's slowly getting to me that i am no longer a kid anymore, more and more responsibilities will slowly pile up on my shoulders.
2013 was one hell of a year, i broke up with my ex (whom i got together with towards the end of 2012), and things went downhill from there, i had the most fights with my mom that year, i found out about my other ex's evil doings towards me. My 19th birthday was one hell of a drama as well, where my ex actually came to surprise me with a cake and tickets to USS at 12 midnight, however someone else was already there way ahead of him, ever since that moment things went from bad to worse in a matter of weeks. Also, I failed 2 of my accounting modules, my attendance in school was bad (still is actually). I cried a lot. I tried a lot of things for the first time. The beginning part of 2013 up till the mid was a pretty bad time. Things started to slowly look up towards the end as I mend my relationship with my best friend (we're together now), I started going for my driving practicals. I got recruited to work at A&F. Last but not least, I spent my new year's with my love. My journey with him wasn't all smooth sailing, we had a lot of ups and downs (more downs at that point of time). He was there when I was all crazy over S, partly he was the reason as to why S left, and that too I found out 8 months later after a random conversation with S's best friend, L. I was mad at H in the beginning, but I felt that there really isn't a point of staying mad, because if S really did like me as much as he claimed to, he would've stayed regardless of the circumstances, he would have at least tried to fight for me instead of walking away. I've met a lot of boys in 2013, who walked in and out of my life. Some really did affect me, however after a couple of shots, nicotine and tears, I picked myself up all over again, and started thinking to myself, throughout every single stupid mistake that I have done, there's still that one guy that stood by me, why am I throwing away a diamond for a rock. Finally, after 1.5 years I decided to give that love a chance, now it's been almost 5 months since we got together, and I must say that this is the best relationship I ever had. Never felt this comfortable with someone. Although, I am still insecure, but it didn't make me feel overly anxious. The fact that he trusts me completely, and gives me all the freedom in the world is a bonus. I couldn't have asked for anything better.
Many more things happened in 2013 but I guess some things are better left unsaid, or at least kept till when the time is right. All I hope for in 2014, is for me to grow and be a better person, I refuse to let negativity get to me. I hope that I would be able to stick through with this.
9 more days till my TP, I hope that I would be able to pass and get my license asap. I am more than ready for this.
