26 April 2012 // 9:25 PM
♣
Today is just one of those day when it seems all fine at the beginning, and went downhill afterwards. While Queuing up to collect my student card, one of my friends mentioned this popular girl, who's name I've heard of before but never really took notice, therefore, when I got back home, I decided to check her out, and that's when all I ever feel like doing is crying my eyeballs out.
She is beautiful I must say, she has the perfect life. The life that I ever wanted. A pretty face. Or shall I say a FLAWLESS face. Beautiful long hair. Awesome house. Nice clothes. Great fashion sense. Basically, she's living the luxurious life.
I envy those kinda people, they have people worshiping them, with each picture she can get up to 700+ likes. How amazing is it to get all that kinda attention. And what did she do to get them? Absolutely nothing.
It seems like she doesn't have to work a day of her life. Her heart would probably not get broken, because she's every guy dream girl.
Me? I have absolutely nothing. Everything about my life is fucked up. I'm just a wasted bitch who tries so hard and gets nothing. I have to work for money. I have to go through so much pain just to get what I want. And still, it's not even close.
Please, I beg to whoever who's listening. Please let all this pain go away. For setting such high expectations. I am the one suffering. Yet, I can't lower down my expectations even if it kills me. I've made a point to myself that I will not want to have kids unless my life is sorted out, and financial wise, I'm very stable, because I don't want my kids to suffer like how I do. All because my parents have failed in their life, I have to suffer along with them. And it's not even my fault. I didn't ask to be born.
Just because I want to be on par with those people who are well to do, my parents say that I'm difficult, I'm a spendthrift, I am not understanding, I'm superficial. Say whatever you want, because I know myself. And that is the life that I want. I will not settle for anything less. Please don't get me wrong, I love my parents to death, they've tried their best, but honestly, we are so close to not making it through. The fact that I've turned 18, makes everything even harder, healthcare is no longer free. The fact that I've wasted my PSEA account money on two semesters of my previous course, meant that my parents have to pay cash for my education, and if they don't subsidize the fees, my parents will have trouble paying . The fact that I've turned 18, everything about my life is just getting more and more difficult. And I'm just shouldering this burden all by myself. I am truly alone. Ever since that day when all my friends turned their backs at me when I had the school problem. It made me realise, I need my parents as much as they need me.
This is part of growing up right? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
