11 April 2012 // 11:15 PM
♣ Bitter Sweet
I haven't been updating for quite awhile now. And I have to start from the very beginning.After waiting for a long time for rp's reply and still not getting one, I got really worried and decided to call the admissions people instead, because I've withdrawed from np oh-so-fearlessly even before securing a place, and if I REALLY didn't secure a place, I would really be bummed out. Especially when my advisor was like telling me, what if I don't secure a place, would I consider private diploma or going Shatec instead, and I just gave her the disgusted look, and told her in the face that it would not even be an option, because firstly, it's so expensive, and financial wise, I'm not able to pay for the fees, obviously. She also told me that if I were to withdraw, and not get a place, I will be wasting two years of my life, that made me freak out even more. Also, when she told me that I have also forfeited my first attempt in entering poly, therefore, I won't be given a priority, which means that chances of me not getting a place this year is sky high. That bummed the shit out of me even more. But the most touching part on that day, my mum actually, for the first time ever, took my side, she told my advisor that, it's okay, even if she doesn't get a place, she can continue working for a year.
At that point of time, my decision got a little clouded, and after my advisors laid out all the pros of staying in np, and the cons of leaving, it really did put me in a spot for a moment. I can't seem to make a decision anymore, and I will always remember what one of the advisors told me, "this is going the be one of the many turning points in your life. You have to make a decision for yourself." And he told the other advisor, to give me some time alone, to make a decision, when they both left the room, I looked at my mum, completely lost, and she told me to just stick with my decision. She told me she knew that I won't like it from the very beginning, and there's still many options for me out there, and I don't have to be scared. because those people are just exaggerating. After she said that, I knew what's the right thing to do. Therefore, I just took the risk, and signed all the withdrawal papers. And just like that, my one year of hard work, attachments, and effort, all went down the drain. The moment I handed up my np student card, it hit me hard that it's all over.
So, on the 5th of April, which was the day that I withdrawed, I called rp a few times, failing to get an answer, so I decided to just called up the general enquiries, and they told me to come down to rp instead to find out, because I was already given a student id, but he wasn't sure of what course I got in, and I need to come down for more details, that's the best option he could suggest for me. Therefore, I decided to call ALL my friends, whom I thought I could rely on, those who could at least accompany me and give me some moral support, after the blow I received earlier that day,I texted like three people, and all of them couldn't even spare a few hours for me. Then the last resort, I decided to call two of my best friends but the most saddest part is, both of them can't even be there for me, I guess everyone is just too busy with their own lives, and they just can't afford to even drop what they have for me. Therefore, I just quickly hung up on them before they can hear me cry. I was trying so hard to hold back my tears, I just walk to the toilet, and the tears started to fall, it just kept on flowing and flowing. Then, my mum just walked up to me, see my expression, and told me, it's okay, I'm here right, I will accompany you. Those words that she said, I will never forget. Same goes for the pain that I felt. It really is, the worst feeling in the world. When it seems like you have this whole big group of friends, and none can actually be there for you in times of need. I really don't know what am I going to do without my mother.
To cut a super long story short, I got into the course, Healthcare Administration, and I'm starting to think that I'm stuck in healthcare or something, from nursing to this. Oh well, as long as the course don't have attachments like every single term, and dealing with patients, I'm very thankful for it already. And I will try my best to do well. Gonna cherished every single day I have there.
Also, today I had the freshmen orientation programme, and I'm so glad that my team mates are the enthusiastic, really outgoing and loud type. It made the whole thing fun, although at times it's really awkward for me, well, as you all know, I don't easily act crazy in front of the people I just know. It takes a while for me to open up, really. The cheering and games part, are not really my thing to be honest, yeah I love to have fun and stuffs, just not exactly this type. I'm not the camping/outdoor adventure kinda girl, I guess? Lol. I sound like some boring old fuck. HAHAHA. Oh god. The freshmen orientation progamme will go on for 4 days, but I'm planning to go for the first and last day only. One of the reasons I didn't escape today was because I feel bad if I do, and also, if I don't participate, and just decide to rot at a corner, it's like I'm spoiling everyone's fun, and I don't wanna do that as well.
Also, I noticed that most of the people there are like really into bonding, especially those first timers in poly. I think having been in poly for the past year, I kinda understand the craze during the beginning, everyone's just so eager to get to know everyone. I'm okay to some extent, not exactly into it though, I mean, it will die down, plus after 6 months of being there, everything changes, your clique, the drama starts to show, and you will begin to see their true colours. It's not that I plan to be a complete anti-social bitch, I just wanna be on the saver side, till I know the rest better, because honey, I've been there, done that.
I'm starting to like the environment in rp, and everything, but I will always miss np, after all, it's like a second home to me for the past one year, and the friends I've made there will not be forgotten. I will miss most of them, although I pretty sure, to some I will not be missed. And I just wanna wish them all the best being in year two, without me ):
