08 March 2012 // 10:59 PM
♣ HOLIDAYS
I'm totally making full use of my holidays, have been going out almost everyday for the past 2 weeks. And I must say that it is really awesome. Finally got the chance to go to Sentosa after a long 8 years, the moment I stepped foot at the Siloso beach, I'm like wow, this place is really nice, the sand is white, the atmosphere is nice. It's really a good place to have a picnic. But on the downside, while we were like swimming around, Mal lost her shades, her fucking Gucci shades. It sank in to the deeper parts of the water, and we can't possibly try finding it without getting drown, coz trust me, we both almost did, if it wasn't for S pulling us out, I think we're a goner. After that, we head to Azzura, and met Russian sailors, I must say some of them are really cute, but their command of English is kinda bad. I have no freaking idea why the chose me to take a photo with them, but they're a friendly bunch I must say. But the part where they acted like complete monkeys, jumping around, doing stunts in the pool, which is turning off, but other than that, they're nice.Then on the following week, I went to Marina Barrage with the clique and we laid our mat and stuffs near this family, and for some reasons, they keep looking at us, and I'm starting to freak out a little, especially when Kelly blew the bubbles towards their direction, and they looked at us. Well, turns out that they were looking at us for a different reason. Found out that one of the guys there actually wanted my number, and I don't know why but I actually gave him my number. Like wtf. Anyway, we texted and all. I was actually really very impressed at first, knowing that he can draw, sing, play the guitar, and skate. But after talking to him more, it gets really annoying that all he ever does is talk about himself, like how good he is, how kind he is, and how everything is real and not a dream. Yes, he said all those. Plus he also said that it is rare to find someone like him, and he also said that his ex says that whoever gets him is a lucky girl. UMM, wait what? EX? Then if that's the case, why she even break up with you? Oh, coz apparently she's still in love with her ex -.- Also apparently, there's another girl who's gaga over him but sadly, another guy likes her. Yes, he said sadly. I'm like wtf. What's the point of telling me all this? Best part is, he wanted to ask me out on 2 dates, and on the 2nd date he actually wanted me to be his freaking gf. Ummm, dude, fucking chill out. You think it's that easy to trust someone. I wanted to get to know you. All you care about is that. It's a major turn off please.
And how did I made him said all this? Because I told him what's his intentions were, just to be friends right? And I guess he figured out from there.
He even asked me if I'm open minded, trust people easily and talk dirty. SAY WHUT, TALK DIRTY? LOL. FUCK IT SERIOUSLY. WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?
He also asked me if I like hugs? And if he hugs me would I like it. -.-
But the jackpot was when he actually told me that he loved me. Yes, he said that.
Oh god. What the fuck. Including that day, it was only 4 days knowing me. And tomorrow was supposedly our 2nd date and also 6th day knowing each other, yet he planned on asking me to be his gf. Fucking dumb I tell you.
Oh and in case you're wondering, if I went out with him eventually or not, the answer is a no. After knowing that I treat him nothing more than a friend, he finally stopped talking to me on the 4th day itself, saying that I have his number, and if there's anything, I know what I can do. This just made me gag harder because, dude if you really do care, you would have made the effort to be friends with me.
Seriously, where Mr Right at? All my encounters are nothing but disappointing.
You don't expect me to fall for all this. Oh god. I mean I've seen my friends and their whirlwind romance, like 1 week knowing each other, or even 3 days, then BAM! In a relationship. But none of them last. So, I have very little faith that this might even work out. Plus if I have a boyfriend who's constantly praising himself, my ears might just fall off. Furthermore, he keeps on acting like his Mr Nice guy, I can't stand that. I'm not looking for a Mr Nice Guy, I'm looking for someone real. I don't want to have a guy who's constantly sugar coating their words.
This just reminded me of something as well, yesterday, Z was having a meltdown, he asked me do I start to see him more than a friend. And I'm sure when I took very long to reply, he pretty much got the message, that the answer is still the same, which is not. Then, he started ranting on twitter, on how much he gives up, he knows nowadays nobody cares about the heart, coz girls only look at the guy's looks, body etc etc. So, I decided to have a talk with him. Finally, he told me that he's just not happy with himself, he seeks love, but it disappoints him, family and friends sometimes walks out on him, to some extent, I know how he feels, and I do feel sorry for him. But really, there's nothing I can do about that. I would help him if I could, but really, the only person that can make him happy is himself, he can't go around seeking happiness from other people. However, the biggest contradiction here is, he told me that he love to see the people around him happy. If he does, then I suppose he shouldn't be feeling this way. Because when you're genuinely nice to people, you don't expect anything in return, but for his case, he thinks by being nice to a girl, he's proving himself, and that obviously in return, he expects her see his qualities, and to be with him,. When the girl rejects him, he told me he's tired of trying, especially when it happens over and over again, and that his heart aches.
All I can say is, dude, relax, we all have been there and done that. What's the rush really?
Okay fine, you're lonely, do something. Go out, use the computer, whatever, just occupy yourself. Yet, he can tell me that, everything he does alone, makes him feel lonely. I wanted to emphasize on independence but I don't think he gets what I'm trying to say. Or maybe he thinks that I'm the one who's not understanding his situation.
Look, I've gotten my fair share of heart aches. I've got rejected before. I was so in love, and it never work out. I've cried over someone so much before. I've seen all my hopes dashed. And a lot more. But still surviving. I do get envious sometimes of other couples, but you know what, it's alright. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes, but it's alright. After all, you can't force love.
And I've met really nice guys, who're religious, great personality, got a bright future, but I'm just not in love with them. I just can't.
I'm torn between doing the right thing, which is securing my future, and being rational or, follow my heart. And to be honest, I really don't know what to do.
I don't think I can ever love someone like how I love F and R. I really with all my heart loved them. And I hope that one day, someone can walk in my life, and made the same impact as how they did. Till then, I will keep on waiting.
I've had this plan, if all else fail, and by 35 I'm still not married, and if my finance is stable, I will probably opt for adoption.
