10 February 2012 // 10:22 PM
♣ Last day of year one.
I can't believe that today is the last day of school. It's my last day being a year one student in poly. For some reasons, I'm still freaking shocked. After all the pain(essays,practicals,tests,exams,online quizzes,mock exams, attachments,make up classes you name it), I truly felt like I really can't make it through. Like seriously. I've really cried my heart out over so many things, especially that time when I cried after I salam my mum because I really don't want to go for attachment( but ended up going, and completing it anyway. Which thinking about it now, totally glad I did). I've even thought of changing course, and thankfully someone significant to me, told me to stay, because time will fly, and before I know it, I will be in year 2, and true enough, he was right. I really thank him for being there for me at that point of time, and for keeping me sane. But too bad I was stupid to throw all of that out of the window. I'm just sad that's he's pretty much not present in my life anymore. Oh well, we all make mistakes. I've made that mistake, it's time to move forward.
Wow. And after today, I will prolly never see most of the people, till the 16th. And if I never see them on the 23rd, I will only get to see them 7 weeks later.
It seems like a long time. I still remembered my first ever semester break, I told myself I will start a fresh. And now I'm not gonna be telling myself the same thing again.
Previously, I also told my self that it will be a long 7 weeks before I get to see him again.
And now, it's still the same thing, another 7 weeks. Oh well. Time no longer matter, I'm so used to it already. Whenever I think about it, my heart aches a little, feels like someone squeezed it hard, but other than that, I'm good. Pretty much over it already.
Honestly, I'm contented with things right now. I'm done with everything. What more can I ask for? It seems like I ended year one well. Made new friends, lost some over time, and some people whom I had a strong foundation with, thinking they will end up with me, turned out to be the other way round instead etc etc. What a roller coaster ride.
But I wanna thank Kelly, one of the first few friends I've made in poly, and the only one who've stick with me through everything. I don't know what I would do without you.
And to R**d, thanks for making my first semester in poly bearable, thanks for keeping me sane. Who knew you would even mean so much to me( my first bf in poly heheh). Still remembered how painful it was when you just went missing for a month. I'm sorry for being such an asshole. I love you many many still. Although you might not know it. I've always wanted to ask you for a patch, but I've got no balls. I told you I need a break right bodoh, I never say break up. And didn't you say you wanna be like my best friend, and when I gave you that lame ass reason, you actually believed. Haiz. Bodoh bodoh. Don't know how to fight for it meh? Pride more important right? Monyet betol. See now, too late already right?
Also to, *ahem* although, you've caused a major heartache, I still wanna thank you for the awesome 3 months? Or 4? You've kept me smiling, till you walked away. And also, to F (my old man at that point of time), I wanna thank you for all the learning experiences I had in the r/s. It's one of my most real r/s ever, you've met my mum, all the things we go through/done together, I will not forget that. And although you will never read this, happy belated 22nd birthday to you.
I'm really looking forward to see what year 2 have in store for me. New classmates, new friends, new everything. I'm really in a dire need for a change. It's really about time. But I'm really hoping that I will at least be in the same class as Kelly again. For the time being, I'm gonna work on myself, and keep my heart open for the one. It has been shut for a lonnnnnnnng time. Maybe get back to my old love? Who knows. Will see. Or maybe I won't end up with anyone? Well, that's fine too.
Hold up, I know you might be wondering. Huh? End of year one? What about the exams?
My exams will start on the 16th of Feb, till the 23rd. And the best part is, I don't have to come to school till the 16th, because all of us are entitled to a 1 week study break. Then, after the exams, I can chill out for 3 weeks, before my attachment starts. I really don't wanna be like last time anymore, complaining and grumbling about my attachment, I think it's about time I take it easy, and just complete all the things that I need to do. Isn't it easier to just shut up and get it over and done with, complaining, isn't gonna get me anywhere. Time to grow up Amira. It's really time to sort out your life. I don't want to be clueless anymore, and doing mindless things.
p.s to that particular guy who've been claiming he likes me, dude look, you can't even come to meet me when we're in school, coz apparently it's "too far" to walk to ourspace from wherever you are. I wanna tell you this, my ex, have waited for me under my blk for a few hours coz I fell asleep, just so that we could meet, and have dinner together, he did so many small things for me, and that shows how important I was to him. If you can't even do something as minor as that, I'm really unsure if things can even work out between us.
p.p.s for some reasons, this post totally made me feel better, it seems like some of the load is being lifted off my shoulders. Weird much. But in a very good way.
[long ass post]
XOXO
