14 August 2011 // 9:43 PM
♣ Life's like this.
This is so weird. I didn't know someone like you will affect me so much.
I really wonder why I keep thinking about you like all the time. Especially when you left without warning. Without even giving me proper reason.
Anyway, it's okay. You're not the only one. Even Q did the same thing. We're always on and off. Sometimes we talk sometimes we don't. It used to affect me like crazy but somehow, I'm getting used to it already. And now, it doesn't even feel painful anymore, like how it used to. It's been like 11 days since I last talked to Q. Last I saw him was on Friday. And I guess, I will never see him again till next semester or something. Whatever. Really.
Same goes to you too. Last I saw you on Friday, which is the last day of the semester.
Till we meet again in semester 2, hopefully.
Also, I do feel bad for my mum. I don't know what is it like for her to nag at me all day long to do this, do that. But it's not just tiring for her, it's also tiring for me. Really.
And I know she can see that I am not happy. Yet, she still continue with what she does.
Why don't she just ask me why am I unhappy? oh yeah, maybe because she already knows why. And there's nothing she can do to help.
Furthermore, I think my mum doesn't know the meaning of 'stop'. She's always mentioning that bastard child's name. I fucking hate it. Every time she mention it's name, feels like someone just stabbed me in the gut. I feel sick to even hear that stupid stupid name. I just wanna forget that name, and the person itself. I wanna forget that person so bad, that I will do anything I can in my power to forget it. I resent it so much I swear. I can't believe you told my cousin that you love me, yet few days later, he saw you with another girl at some staircase, and you're drunk.
Why do wanna lie till that extend? What do you want from me? If you just want me coz you think that I'm a good investment, like always being the naive one, the one who trusts you, the one who's such a push over, then let me tell you this, you're wrong.
I don't feel ONE BIT depressed that we broke up. In fact, I'm so so so so thankful. You're not worth it. And yes, I've wasted so much on you. Well, you know what? I don't care. That doesn't make me want to stay with you even a bit. You're just a sad case. No matter what you say, or no matter how much you say you gonna change. It's just too late. I will never go back to you regardless. And if you wanna flaunt your bike in my face one day. You can do so. It won't impress me one bit. You're just like any other typical guy out there.
You don't matter to me anymore.
But if anyone wanna know what upsets me is that, why am I so unlucky in love? People out there are always telling me how happy they are in a relationship, how much they love their other half, blah blah blah. But I'm always the unlucky one. No one truly wants me for me.
I mean even that bastard child wants me coz apparent he thinks I'm tall. And he wants a tall girlfriend. He can even tell me this, "we can work on the feelings". So even if he doesn't want to let go of me, it's because he has other motives. Not because he's remorseful or anything.
Depressing life ain't it? My whole life, I've never been in a long term relationship with anyone, or felt like I've finally found my soulmate.
Plus, I've been looking at pictures of my secondary school days and also pictures with my ex best friend. And I do miss those times. There's a part of me that will always wonder if things would turn out differently, and that if she do think of me or misses the time we used to spend with each other. But at the same time, everything is different now, everyone has their own life. Things probably will never be the same again.
And I guess, there are reasons why it turned out that way.
I hope this will be the last time I'm gonna mull over this. Just wanna have a fresh start next semester. And just see how things go. Let's just hope. That there will be something good out of all this :D
And in case you're reading my post and think I'm depress. HELL NO! I'm not depress. Just you know, saying what's on my mind.
