04 July 2011 // 8:10 PM
♣ Going down.
I don't know what's up with my mood, for this past few days.
I'm just so down and out of it. I'm really frustrated coz there's really no one I can turn to.
I swear, no one at all. Even as I'm typing this, I've never felt more alone in my whole life, and this feeling sucks.
I won't judge and say that the people out there don't give a damn about me, but it certainly felt that way.
I think it has been a really long time since I felt happy about anything. I don't know when will I ever feel that way again. Maybe not in a long time I guess.
It's really not about the material stuffs this time, no matter what, I will never get enough of it. I'm talking about something that's way beyond that.
It just upsets me that my mum and me are fighting practically everyday, she never respect my privacy, she's too much. She's always finding faults with me. I'm sorry, but I will never be the person you want me to be. It's my life. Can't you just accept me for who I am? Am I really that bad? What makes you think that only a religious person is a good person huh?
Do you wanna know why am I so rebellious or so against it? Because you're just forcing it down my throat, you're not even listening.
Whatever, I'm done hoping that you will get it. You never will.
Doesn't matter what you think. Even if you wanna think that I'm bad, I just want you to know that mum, I care about you.
Although it might not be the way you want me to, I still do anyway.
Also, to Q, I don't know where I stand with you. Am I important or am I not? I have no idea.
It's been almost 2 days. I guess if I don't make the effort, you won't right?
It's not that. I'm just waiting for you. I'm DYING to text you, but I won't.
You have no idea how I'm feeling right now. And I'm sure you will never know.
It's okay. I get it. I'm not gonna force anything to happen.
If this is the end of the road, I accept it. I will move on somehow.
I'm fine with all of this, as long as you don't have anyone else in your life.
I think I might not be able to handle it, if you just run off with someone else.
Or worse, forget everything about me.
Anyway, just so you know, I will still be here waiting. If you miss me, I'm always a text away.
If I'm meant to be alone, then let it be. I'm used to being alone anyway, but as long as you're alone with me. Selfish isn't it? Sorry about that.
The fuck Amira, why the fuck are you fucking crying? Get over it.
Don't be such a crybaby.
