It's really hard to be happy nowadays. This whole week has been one hell of a roller coaster. With him coming over to my house again, studies and Q disappearing without any news, and friendship problems. Not to mention family problems as well. I feel like running away from all this shit. But I have no where to go. I have never felt more helpless in my whole life. I feel like I'm just stuck in this black hole as I watch the whole world pass me by. Whenever I'm at home, reality just sinks in, I mean who am I kidding? It's hard to keep up with this facade, yeah, some days I feel happy, but it's always short lived, and it's rare that I'm ever happy. I feel like giving up on so many things. What's the point really?
Also, I really really wanna give up on love. I think I will never find the one. There's just no one out there for me. I think I better learn not to rely on anyone, or be too emotionally attached to anyone, because at the end of the day, when they leave, I'm just gonna be left broken. Also, I should stop using people as a rebound, it will only hurt me instead of helping me out, they're just carving their own hole in my heart.
Stop telling me that I will find someone, blah blah blah. It's not gonna happen.
And if you have any happy stories about love or your relationship, don't bother telling me, just shove it up your ass, coz get this straight, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
Also, to my dearest ex, STOP COMING over to my house, if your plan is to patch, it's not gonna work, once it's over, it's OVER. I will NEVER patch with you again even if it kills me. I rather DIE than patch with you okay. You make my life so miserable! I feel so wasted with you. I've wasted everything with you. I don't trust you anymore. Why do you bother now? You never listened to me last time. You got my mum on your side. What else do you want from me anyway? I have nothing else to give. Just leave me alone, once and for all. Fyi, I talk to you out of courtesy, and mostly due to my mum forcing me to. So don't expect anything much. There's a reason why I don't reply your texts.
And to the one who kept on asking me to call him, and claiming that he's my brother, you know what? If you can't even help me with such a simple thing, then I don't think you even deserve that title. Enough said.
To my best friend, I know you're very sorry. But haven't I told you I can't? You kept persisting, you made me wait down there like a fool, and you expect me not to be mad? I'm sorry too but I just can't help it. Next time get all your facts straight before making me lie to my mum and coming over all the way to your place just to get back home again. And don't make it up to me. You of ALL people know that I hate people who sucks up. So just let me heal on my own. I still love you though, don't worry about that. I can never hate you just because of this.
From today onwards, I wanna change myself. In many ways. I will do it slowly though. Give me strength. It's fucking hard.
But all I can do right now is eat, cry, eat, cry and then sleep.

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