I really don't know what's up with me. It's just one of those days that I find myself wanting to curl up in a ball, hide somewhere and sleep. Yes, just sleep and not wake up, at least I won't feel the pain. I don't know what's the trigger, but today seemed to have opened up some of the old wounds. I guess it never really healed did it? Even after all this years. I'm still scarred.
Sometimes, it is tiring to even look good. I feel like washing off all the makeup and shaving off all my hair. I want to restart my life all over again. I want a fresh new start, but how? It's not even possible to begin with, what's done can't be undone.
I've wasted so many opportunities. I do things half way. I've disappoint so many people.
Sometimes I can't even stand up for myself.
No matter what I do, nothing will turn out the way I wanted. Nothing. Or even when it does, it will be taken away from me, sooner or later.
I don't even know why am I here sometimes, what's the purpose? I don't even know what I want in life.
I don't even trust myself sometimes, are my feelings for someone true?
Or will I just change my mind after sometime?
I need answers. Please.

`sort out my life for me. It's a wreck.

unfold the chapters March 2005 April 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 November 2006 April 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 January 2014 July 2014 September 2014